My first idea was to dummy up a sandwich board with those words and picket the offices of major American publishers. Then I thought, "No, that's pathetic and undignified." But an utterly self-serving promotional Web site...now there's an idea for the new millennium! Thus, welcome to the official Web home of Martin J. Smith. I am a journalist and novelist, but only if you count the things I get paid for. Most recently, I wrote, with Patrick J. Kiger, OOPS: 20 LIFE LESSONS FROM THE FIASCOES THAT SHAPED AMERICA as well as POPLORICA: A POPULAR HISTORY OF THE FADS, MAVERICKS, INVENTIONS, AND LORE THAT SHAPED MODERN AMERICA. I also am the author of three crime novels, TIME RELEASE, SHADOW IMAGE, and STRAW MEN. My latest book, MY FATHER'S TUXEDO: THE STORY OF A SUIT, is available through www.blurb.com. Still, I've continued to work day jobs, recently as senior editor of the Los Angeles Times Magazine, and currently as editor-in-chief of Orange Coast, a monthly magazine in Orange County, Calif., owned by Emmis Communications. If that serves as a lesson to anyone with fantasies about chucking it all to become an author, so be it.